REVARTE

Juventud

ME, THE WRITER

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por Alison Calderón-López

I think it’s better not knowing the truth than actually knowing. I know this is a reach but just hear me out. If you know the truth, you are left thinking a bunch of questions of how and why it happened.That’s not very good right? Exactly my point. If I’m being honest, I’m just better left not knowing at all then being kept awake at night by my own thoughts. And if I do know the truth, I want to know everything, not just a half truth but the whole truth. I recently watched a movie called “Flipped” and it had a meaningful saying about the whole being greater than the sum of its parts. I think that it’s very true because although when it is just the parts, it’s nice, but when you look at it as a whole it becomes mesmerizing and fun to look back at. Although, it’s not good when these parts are bad and then when you finally realize the greater picture, it makes you feel overwhelmed or just overall dumb. I like to believe if something isn’t the way you want, then it’s just better to leave it alone. This is only specific to people. If it’s something changeable like for example a drawing where if you make a mistake then you can just erase it and pretend it didn’t happen, whereas a person you can’t really do that, because if you make a mistake you can’t just really take it back. That part makes me mad because although I forgive someone for something they did to me, it seems like I can’t just seem to get it out of my head, it’s just stuck there and can’t be removed unless I move on from it. Speaking of which, I never move on. I just tell myself that I could be going through way worse and that’s usually my way of coping, which is definitely not healthy at all, but if it works then it works. There’s a line in a song called “A BOY IS A GUN*” by Tyler The Creator that really sticks out and means a lot to me: “How come you’re the best to me? I know you’re the worst for me.” It has a lot of meaning because this can relate to so many situations. Something that’s hard that no one talks about is letting go of people that you know aren’t good for you. Now that right there is probably the top three most hardest things to do. I hate it. Yes I know hate is a strong word but the feeling of anger and just how it makes you feel so dumb for not noticing it before is enraging. The anger I feel for not being able to tell before, gets to me. It makes me have absolutely feral mood swings. I could be daydreaming about how it was so wonderful and then next second I am overwhelmed with anger, and by the next I’m crying about how I just don’t feel like I am good enough. Something that I truly hope no one goes through is getting used by someone you thought you could trust. That alone will break you, no matter how strong you think you are. One thing I noticed today was that no one really talks about how parents’ trauma affects them and makes them who they are as a person. For example, if someone had a childhood where they didn’t have anything, that probably makes them strive for more when they already have enough. I feel like it’s so much harder for them to open up especially if they are trying to open up to their kids. My mom told me that when that happens as they are telling their traumas is that they relive it in their head everytime they talk about it. It makes me feel some type of way because I don’t want to cause them any extra pain by asking what happened, but then again what if they can’t bottle it up anymore? I want to be there for them and I want them to talk to me about what is troubling them. I want to help and I always will. I want to be like a complementary color. Having a color that just matches with me and looks good with me. I mean it. I want to be like blue and orange. The way they’re just complete opposites but go along so well. That’s what’s beautiful. Music. I love music. The way it switches your mood is crazy and that’s why I love it. Because even if I feel horrible, I can feel great or I can feel however I want to feel. I get to control my thoughts and emotions with music. Also they’re just lyrics that can say more than I could ever. They help me express things that are hard for me to say. I love it, and I always will. Overthinking is a very bad habit of mine and it will forever be my worst habit. I overthink at least once a day and I think that’s pretty normal because if I overthink the stupidest things then that means you do too, right? It gets worse when I’m doing something I know I am naturally good at. It makes me feel like I won’t ever get it right the first time or that I won’t be able to fix it. I know that I will fix whatever I messed up but once I mess up for the second time I’m over with. As I’m writing this I genuinely feel that someone will get how I feel and just for a second think of how they aren’t alone. I want them to know they aren’t crazy. I dont like when people say that writing is boring or that it’s dumb because truly that’s not the case. I think they just don’t know how to express themselves through words or sentences. I know that once they know the exact words they wanna say they’ll absolutely love it as much as i do. But hopefully they don’t develop the bad habit that I have, which is only being able to write about my emotions. Not that it’s bad but I just rely on it way too much. It’s like I’m only a good writer if I bottle up all my emotions and spill it all on this computer or notebook. I also love doing that though, because even if I can’t talk about it with people, I can just write it by myself with my music playing through my airpods. 

I also love the fact that I write what I think so yes if you’re thinking no way her fingers are typing what she’s thinking at this exact moment (you probably aren’t thinking this) but believe it or not, I am. I haven’t stopped for about twenty some minutes which is probably a lot but I don’t think so. Something I had realized months ago is that I really need to stop caring so much about what others and myself think. Because if you really think about it, no one cares what you do. It’s a free world and it most likely is very freeing once you stop giving too much thought to what you do. I feel like I have written almost everything I feel but not quite yet. Feeling real. I have this thing where I don’t feel real sometimes. It gets really bad sometimes and I have panic attacks. It’s not fun and I don’t like it at all, I despise it. That’s a struggle I go through and I can’t help it. Things that can trigger it, is if I’m with some random people I don’t even know. I just start thinking about how it’s really crazy that each single person has their own thoughts, lives, problems, and how they’re alive. It troubles me to think that I’ll see them one time and I won’t ever remember seeing them at all. You’re probably thinking that yeah obviously I won’t remember them, well yeah I know that but when you’re in the heat of the moment that thought is pretty overwhelming. Something I do to get over it is by just talking to people because if they respond back then I can just distract myself and then boom it’s done, I’m back to normal.Okay, now I definitely ran out of things to say but honestly I don’t think this will get published but if it does then I’m okay with it. Although a story is supposed to have a plot or theme to it, sadly this doesn’t so if you read up to here then I really am surprised because throughout the whole time I was writing, I felt like I was ranting. That doesn’t matter though because I love being real but I think I was a little too real writing this which is a scary thought. My current thought process right now is what people will think of this, or if they think this is boring or something. Most times you just have to take the risk and just go with it, take a leap of faith you know. My dad always had this saying of being someone in life, his exact words are “Debes de ser alguien en la vida. Estás aquí porque debes de ser algo con ti misma. Debes ser alguien en la vida.” So that’s what I’m doing, I will be someone, and hopefully I can be someone who impacted you, the reader.

Alison Calderón-López

Alison is 13 years old and a student at the Centro de Cultura Arte Trabajo y Educacion.

Selected Works by Alison Calderón-López:
The Numbers Change
I Saw A Star
Struck

    (NOSÉ) poema cinematográfico

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    Por Obed Arango, David Villalvazo & Film Class of CCATE

    Click here for English version

    Es una producción llevada a cabo por el taller y clase de cine de CCATE durante el verano. Por seis años CCATE ha trabajado bajo el concepto de “poema cinematográfico” hoy llamado “cine poema”. Desde la producción de “Río”, “Bosque” y “Tren”  la experiencia común y colectiva del grupo ha sido el motivo para generar poemas en diálogo, y en el compartir de emociones, reflexiones en palabras e imágenes. Cada generación ha mostrado formas distintas de relacionarse con el lenguaje tanto verbal como visual y la manera de tejer la poética. De esta manera el translenguaje como ese espacio propio de las comunidades multilingües abre horizontes de significado, de experiencia y de sentidos. Por ejemplo, lo que en otro tiempo se ha entendido como “Spanglish” con la comunidad de origen latinoamericano en los Estados Unidos, hoy lo entendemos como un espacio de libertad, de rebeldia, que cuestiona los sistemas sociales, incluyendo los de la lengua y los de la imagen. 

    Nos hemos acostumbrado a una narrativa literal y lineal de la producción de documentales. La televisión y el cine cuadraron nuestras mentes para el entretenimiento y para recibir mensajes digeridos. La clase de cine de CCATE reta este entendimiento literal de la vida, pues la experiencia de migrar es compleja y va más allá de los cliches y de las formas narradas por la cultura dominante que denosta a la comunidad. De esta manera la poetica, las preguntas elaboradas por los estudiantes generaron un encuentro con sus padres, abuelos y familias, y estas evocaron sentimientos profundos de su memoria y de su identidad. 

    Hoy en CCATE hay  una nueva generación de cineastas, distinta a la de hace seis años en la que la mayoría de los estudiantes fueron inmigrantes y en la que el español aparecía con mayor fuerza, en esta nueva película (No sé), aparece la pregunta de la identidad de “¿Cuál es tu origen?”, la película muestra el limbo, la presión social para asimilarse y verse como árboles sin raíces. 

    Es refrescante producir cine no como una actividad, sino como un contra espacio para crear contra narrativas que esperamos nos hagan reflexionar con profundidad el riesgo y la terrible violencia social y simbólica contra la comunidad inmigrante que busca resistir y preservar su identidad, así decimos, como ese lema de las Madres de la plaza de mayo: “resistir es existir”.

    Extendemos nuestro más sincero agradecimiento a la Independence Public Media Foundation (IPMF) por su invaluable apoyo en la producción de esta película.

    English Version:

    (NOSÉ) (I DON’T KNOW) – a cinematic poem

    This is a production carried out by the CCATE film workshop during the summer. For six years CCATE has worked under the concept of “cinematic poem,” today called “cinema poem.” Since the production of “Río,” “Bosque,” and “Tren,” the common experience of the group has been the reason to generate poems in dialogue, and in the sharing of emotions, reflections with words, and images. Each generation has shown different ways of relating to language, both verbal and visual, and the way of weaving poetry. In this way, translanguage as that space of multilingual communities opens horizons of meaning, experience and senses. What was once understood as “Spanglish”, for example with the community of Latin American origin in the United States, today we understand as a space of freedom, rebellious, that questions social systems, including those of language and the image.

    We have become accustomed to a literal narrative of documentary, television and cinema squared our minds for entertainment and to receive digested messages. The CCATE film class challenges this literal understanding of life, since the experience of migrating is complex and goes beyond the cliches and forms narrated by the dominant culture that reviles the community. In this poetic way, the questions elaborated by the students generated an encounter with their parents, grandparents and families, and these evoked deep feelings of their memory and their identity.                                                    

    Today in CCATE there is a new generation of filmmakers, different from the one of six years ago in which the majority of the students were immigrants and in which Spanish appeared with greater force, in this new film (No sé), the question appears of the identity of “What is your origin?”, the film shows the limbo, the social pressure to assimilate and see oneself as trees without roots that dies.

    It is refreshing to produce cinema not as an activity, but as a counter space to create counter narratives that we hope will make us reflect deeply on the risk and the terrible social and symbolic violence against the immigrant community that seeks to resist and preserve its identity, so we say, as that motto of the Mothers of the Plaza de Mayo: “to resist is to exist”.

    We extend our heartfelt gratitude to the Independence Public Media Foundation (IPMF) for their invaluable support in the production of this film.

    UNA SEMANA PARA RECORDAR POR SIEMPRE por Nicolas Hernandez

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    Introducción por el editor:

    La relación que por varios años han cultivado el departamento de ingenieria de Villanova University,  y el Centro de Cultura, Arte, Trabajo y Educación (CCATE) dio como fruto dos becas por parte de Villanova para estudiantes y miembros del grupo de preparatoria de CCATE que tienen interés de estudiar carreras tecnológicas y del ramo de las ingenierias. La beca incluyó el costos del Rice University’s ELITE Camp, los vuelos y la estancia. Esperamos que cada año esta sea una oportunidad que se extienda a más jóvenes del programa de CCATE.

    La experiencia que se comparte aquí corresponde a la de Nicolás Hernández uno de los dos jóvenes que asistieron. Por su lado Alex Rojas compartira en las siguientes semanas en una clip de video su experiencia y este se subirá a REVARTE. Ambos jóvenes son de origen mexicano y cursan su preparatoria en los suburbios de Filadelfia en los Estados Unidos

    UNA SEMANA PARA RECORDAR POR SIEMPRE

    Esa semana fue como ninguna otra. Desde el primer día, sentado ahí, me sentí intrigado y emocionado a la vez.

    El coordinador principal nos reunió en un círculo, comenzó a hablar y nos dio a entender que una experiencia así es algo que no todos tienen, y después de haberlo vivido puedo decir que estoy de acuerdo. Durante mi estancia obtuve todo lo que yo esperaba del campamento, sin embargo, fue lo no esperado lo que hizo el viaje una experiencia inolvidable.

    Los cursos me proveyeron un entendimiento básico del lenguaje de programación C++, y una introducción al modelaje 3D a través de Fusion 360, ambos desconocidos para mi hasta entonces, lo cual me dejó muy satisfecho. No obstante, creo que el mayor aprendizaje que obtuve de esta estancia fue experimentar el viajar y “vivir” solo.

    Después de un vuelo de tres horas y media, llegué al Aeropuerto Intercontinental de Huston, ahí conocí a Carlo, y a Geoffrey quien nos llevó a la Universidad Rice donde pasaríamos la siguiente semana en el campamento Rice Elite.

    Al llegar a mi habitación me sorprendió saber que no tendría compañero de cuarto, así que estaría solo. Cuando Carlo y yo nos dirigimos a cenar conocimos a Evan y a Tyler, y la aventura comenzó. Reconozco que sin ellos mi estancia no hubiera sido igual, porque hicimos un gran equipo.

    Al final de esta travesía aprendí como es vivir relativamente solo, ya que sólo podía depender de mí mismo para estar donde tenía que estar cuando tenía que estar. Aprendí a convivir con gente nueva, algo valioso porque no me gusta convivir con gente que no conozco. E hice amigos que probablemente conservaré por el resto de mi vida.

    También aprendí a tomarme la vida menos en serio, ya que generalmente pienso mucho antes de hacer algo, sin embargo, cuando estas con un grupo de amigos que te sigue y apoya todo se vuelve mas fácil. Por ejemplo, hicimos siluetas de espadas y peleamos mientras todos nos miraban; decidí cantar en el karaoke frente a gente que no conocía porque mis amigos también lo hacían. Cosas como esas hubieran sido imposibles de no ser porque tenía en quien apoyarme.

    Algo más que aprendí fue a administrar mi tiempo y a lidiar con las consecuencias de no hacerlo, los primeros días me dedique exclusivamente a mi trabajo en lugar de pasar tiempo en la sala de juegos con mis amigos, sin embargo en la tercera noche decidí tomarme la vida menos en serio y me reuní con ellos después de la hora de dormir para hacer tarea y ver películas, esas noches fueron algo que de verdad disfruté, especialmente aquella última, en la que puedo decir, sin ningún miedo a equivocarme, que ha sido una de las mejores noches de mi vida.

    En conclusión, el campamento me introdujo a la programación y al modelaje 3D, pero a la vez me mostró que la vida es mejor con amigos.

    Por todo esto y más, gracias a mis padres, la Dra. Holly Link, Universidad de Villanova, a la comunidad de CCATE y especialmente a Carlo, Evan y Tyler.

    Editor’s introduction:

    The relationship that the engineering department of Villanova University and the Center for Culture, Art, Training and Education (CCATE) have cultivated for several years has resulted in two scholarships from Villanova for students and members of the CCATE high school group who are interested in studying technological careers and the field of engineering. The scholarship included the cost of Rice University’s ELITE Camp, flights, and accommodations. We hope that each year this will be an opportunity that could be extended to more youth in the CCATE program.

    The experience shared here is that of Nicolás Hernández, one of the two young people who attended the ELITE camp. The other student, Alex Rojas will share his experience in a video clip in the following weeks and will be uploaded to REVARTE. Both young people are of Mexican origin and attend high school in the suburbs of Philadelphia in the United States.

    A WEEK TO REMEMBER FOREVER

    That week was like no other. Since the first day, I felt intrigued and excited.

    The head coordinator of Rice University’s ELITE (Emerging Leaders in Technology and Engineering) Camp reunited us and told us that an experience like this is something that not everyone has, and after having lived through it can say that I agree. During my stay I got everything I expected from the program, however it was the unexpected that made the experience truly special.

    The classes gave me a basic introduction of programming through C++ and 3D modeling through Fusion 360, both of which were unknown to me at the time, which left me very satisfied. However, I think that the biggest takeaway of this experience was learning how to live on my own.

    After a three-and-a-half-hour flight I arrived at Houston Intercontinental Airport where I met Carlo, a fellow camper and Geoffrey, one of the coaches. Geoffrey took us to Rice University where we spent the week at the camp.

    When I first got to my room, I was surprised that I wouldn’t have a roommate – this meant I would be really on my own. Later that day, Carlo and I headed to dinner where we met Tyler and Evan. Suffice to say without them, my experience would have likely been much worse

    As I had mentioned, I got to experience what living on my own is like. What this meant is that I had to rely solely on myself to be where I needed to be when I needed to be. I learned to interact with people that I had never met before and make friends that I will probably keep for the rest of my life. 

    I also learned to take life less seriously. I am something that often overthinks too much, however, when you are with a group of friends that will follow you and support you, then everything becomes easier. For example, play fighting with sword silhouettes made of spare foam even when everyone was looking, and I got to sing with everyone during karaoke night. Doing stuff like that would have been totally out of the question for me, but it felt good having people doing the same alongside you. 

    Something else that I learned during this experience is to manage my time and deal with the consequences. For the first two days I dedicated myself to do my work and go to sleep when I was supposed to. However, on the 3rd night I decided to take life less seriously. I met after hours with my friends to do homework while watching a movie. I really enjoyed those experiences, and it is not an overstatement to say that the last night was one of the best nights I’ve ever had.

    In conclusion, the camp taught me the basics of 3D printing and coding, but it also taught me that life is better when you share it with friends.

    Special thanks to: My parents, Dr. Holly Link, Villanova University, CCATE’s community and my friends, Tyler, Carlo, and Evan.

    Nicolas Hernandez

    Nicolas Hernandez is a 17-year-old senior at Perkiomen Valley High School.

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